my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
