i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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