just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
