I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
