Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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