i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
