She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
