is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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