Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
