if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize