Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We are two peas in an std pod
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
