Your tits are I can't wait for
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
MIDGETS
????
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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