i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
