She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
