can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
