they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pants are for mortals
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
