I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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