remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
