Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
