Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
