he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
