fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
