Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
