I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
