he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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