I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
