he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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