If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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