he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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