its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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