Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
