I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my shit smells like andre
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
