I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
