Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
