Screwed.edu
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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