Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
