allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
