First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
