He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize