Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
