I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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