somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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