I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
