census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
