probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
