She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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