wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize