my mouth tastes like poor choices
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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