I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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