I am in a vortex of obligation.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
