So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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