Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
