Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
