im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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