thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
