My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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