I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
