Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
