Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize