But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
