I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
