Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
