you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
