Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
