captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
