just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize