When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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