Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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