i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
